We will go where our dreams come true

[yokunaru]

[Time passes by so quickly, Yuuri muses as he steps off the train and joins the crowd making its way toward the station's nearest exit. It's true that he'd seen Minami at Nationals just the week before, but between the practices and the interviews, a competition is hardly the place for doing much catching up.

A few other familiar faces had been amongst the competitors, too--ones that Yuuri recognized from the regional championships. Minami and his friends had made a point to seek him out when they could at the time, and it had been...nice to be included in a group again, especially when Viktor wasn't there to ground him.

I'm here. His cell phone goes right back into his pocket as soon as sends the text to Minami.

The simple hotel he'd booked for a couple nights is only a short distance away from Minami's home rink, which makes it easy for him to drop off his sparse luggage and head right over. The building's lobby is strangely empty when Yuuri arrives, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. No one seems to be stopping him from going right in, though, so that's exactly what Yuuri does. The rink is easy enough to find from there.]

Comments

[yokunaru]

[Somehow, Yuuri hadn't even considered that it could be Minami making use of the rink so early. When he spies the familiar figure out on the ice, his brows flick up with surprise. Instead of calling out to him, though, Yuuri drops his bag on the floor and leans against the boards to watch, knowing that Minami hasn't realized he's there.]

Oh.. [He says quietly as he listens past the bouncy music and hears the lyrics instead, matching it with the emotions pouring off of Minami as he skates. It's the jump that makes him pause. Figure skating has always been the language he's most fluent in, never exactly being good at words even when they really count. That was the combo Minami had wanted to use, the combo from his program.

Well, Yuuri knows he's been working on those jumps all this time, so it isn't exactly a surprise that he's throwing it in like this. And yet... he can't shake the feeling that there's something more to it.]

[boogiedown]

[One the last chorus Minami throws in a triple axel. Just to feel it. The one thing he's been given. It's enough, it has to be enough, it isn't enough. And he doesn't know how to fix any of that.

He finishes with hands stretching out to empty seats. Reaching for what he's never going to catch. Then he registers the space is occupied. Yuuri is actually there.

All the color drains from Minami's face.]

Ah -

[One drawback of ice-skating. No way to make a fast exit. His shoes are on the opposite side of the rink, right where Yuri's standing. Minami considers vaulting over the boards and running anyway. He considers that maybe the ice will just melt and drown him.]

[yokunaru]

[That's not the reaction Yuuri was expecting. Wavering between a tentative smile and a slight frown at Minami's obvious distress, Yuuri's there to meet him when he reaches the side of the rink.]

You really nailed that triple axel combo. [Yuuri tells him, after a beat. His instincts are telling him that something's wrong, but he can't quite figure out what it is.] If you skate like that for the Grand Prix series, I think you'll definitely make the final cut.

[boogiedown]

[Minami's automatically reached for his guards. Now he stands frozen on one foot, a guard half on the other. Staring at Yuuri.]

That -

That's IT?! That's all you have to say?!?

[It's amazing, how life keeps managing to throw new Worst Things Ever at you. First it was Yuuri seeing Minami practically skate a love letter. But oh no, this is worse - Yuuri not even understanding it.]

POOR MINAMI, your crush is incredibly oblivious

[yokunaru]

[The outburst almost makes Yuuri take a step back in surprise. He watches Minami uncertainly, unconsciously tensing up.]

Then... there was a reason you were skating to that? It wasn't just my imagination... [He could tell that Minami was skating his heart out, of course, but that would mean...]

Oh. There's someone that you have feelings for, isn't there? [Ah, that must be it! Naturally, anyone would feel a little embarrassed if they were caught skating like that. He'd certainly felt the same way when the triplets recorded him skating Stay Close To Me for Yuuko.]

Being a kid is hard and no one understands.

[boogiedown]

[So close. It's so close and Minami could... probably still beat a retreat. Except then what? He keeps repeating this circle? Nothing changing?

Suddenly he's angry. All the emotions of the skate are still too close to be pulled back. It's like the Lohengrin argument all over again. Doesn't Yuuri think well of himself at all?! How can he not, when Minami's pretty sure he hung the stupid stars?

Minami slams on the last skate guard and rears up. Fists clenched, heat prickling behind his eyes.]

Is it really so hard for you to believe that someone could actually like you?!

[WHELP.]

truly

[yokunaru]

[His eyes widen. This isn't the first time Minami's been upset with him, but it stings just as much as it did before. Yuuri exhales shakily, running a hand through his hair in a nervous habit.]

It's not that I don't... believe it. [His words come quietly, haltingly like he's trying to find the right ones to say.] It just...doesn't occur to me until someone points it out.

[With a sudden tightness in his chest as realization hits him, Yuuri looks at Minami.] Is what what it is? You like me that way?

Legitimately tearing up poor kid

[boogiedown]

YES!

[In a way, this argument is even worse. They're friends now, and Minami doesn't want to lose that. He understands a little more, how Yuuri's brain works. How the anxiety gnaws at him.

It does not make any of this hurt less.]

And I know you have someone and I could never compete with him and I don't want to!

[Viktor is so obviously what Yuuri needs, in a way Minami just wouldn't be able to. Never mind that he's gorgeous. They're so good together. Everyone agrees on that. Even Minami. Especially Minami.

He swipes at his face, trying to keep tears from spilling over. It's a losing battle.]

But I can't just - NOT feel this! I tried!!

:(

[yokunaru]

[For a second, he sympathizes with Viktor; is this how he'd felt when Yuuri had burst into tears in front of him? ]

Minami... [He takes a step forward, one hand raised like he's about to reach for him. But he changes his mind, withdrawing and clenching his hand above his chest instead.] I'm sorry.

[What else can he say to make this better? Yuuri's honestly at a loss. All he can do is apologize for hurting Minami when they've just become friends.]

[boogiedown]

Shit.

I don't -

[Minami doesn't understand what Yuuri has to be sorry for. The rage has dissolved into full-on crying. His sleeves are going to get soaked, but he can't even think far enough to grab tissues.]

I don't - I didn't - want to mess this up...

[yokunaru]

You're not. [Yuuri watches him with concern, trying to find the right words that will ease Minami's pain. He chews his bottom lip for a moment before remembering that while Minami's using his sleeves to soak up his tears, Yuuri does actually have tissues in his pack.

He quickly fetches them from his duffel bag and gently presses a few into Minami's hands. His words might be failing him right now, but he stays close to Minami, letting the younger skater know wordlessly that he isn't going anywhere.]

[boogiedown]

[When Yuuri moves away, Minami doesn't blame him. Probably freaked out by all the stupid emotions spilling everywhere this is such a disaster -

Then he registers the tissues. Yuuri's hands, warm and solid.

Minami presses them to his face. Then sort of - tilts forward. Resting his head against Yuuri's chest. He doesn't try to turn it into a hug or anything, he just needs touch. Just something to ground him.]

[yokunaru]

[Some of the tension in his shoulders still lingers, but slowly it lessens as he lifts one hand to rest it on Minami's back. He doesn't try to make this into a hug either, simply letting Minami draw comfort from the touch if he needs it.

The plastic packet of tissues crinkles quietly in his free hand, ready to be used if Minami needs more.]

[boogiedown]

[Slowly, Minami gets his breath back under control. It doesn't feel like anything else is, but he can do that much. The sobs quiet and finally subside.

He pulls back, eyes and face red, and realizes he's gotten Yuuri's shirt wet. Minami grabs another tissue and tries to mop it up.]

Sorry...

[yokunaru]

It's fine, Minami. [Yuuri dabs at the wet spot with a tissue, as well, though his eyes flicker over to Minami a few times with concern.]

Let's... [It comes out soft, hesitant. Yuuri clears his throat and tries again.] Let's take a break from skating for a few hours. Is there any place nearby where you like to go?

[boogiedown]

[Just yesterday, an invitation from Yuuri to go anywhere would have sent Minami's heart racing. Now it's too wrung out to pick up more then a few beats.

He plops down on a bench. Numbly wrestling the skates off. He still kind of want to run but that's not a good way to repay Yuuri's patience.]

Um. There's a park, by the river...

[yokunaru]

Sounds nice. [And he means it! If it's as quiet and serene as he imagines it to be, it could jut be the place they need right now. While Yuuri himself understands how easy it is to lose yourself in the feelings on the ice, he isn't sure if he wants Minami getting back on there when he's upset.

Yuuri waits until Minami's finished putting away his skates before he approaches again. Watching Minami carefully for further signs of discomfort, Yuuri slowly places his hand on Minami's shoulder again. He isn't used to being so tactile with other people, but for this, he's willing to make an exception.] Ready?

[boogiedown]

[Minami leans into the touch without thinking. Using it as a psychological brace to stand. One step forward. Then another. Yuuri knows now, so the worst part is at least over. Maybe.]

Yeah.

[There's flowers out, this time of year, a few people walking dogs. It's still early. They mostly have the park to themselves.]

[yokunaru]

[Yuuri spies a bench by the water and angles their path in that direction, though they continue to walk at a leisurely pace. It's peaceful here, and no one calls out to them, which makes it easier to maintain that fragile sort of silence that's fallen between them.

Finally, it's Yuuri who breaks it, voice soft.]

How are you feeling? [Then, he winces, shaking his head.] I'm... not that great with people. You might have noticed that already. [Though it's getting easier to admit this now, it still sounds like he'd had to drag it out of himself.]

[boogiedown]

[Minami manages a faint smile at that. Only a fraction of the usual wattage, but at least it flickers on.]

Right. So I never meant to tell you - I just -

[He lets out a growl of aggravation and flops down on the bench.]

Tired. I feel tired.

[yokunaru]

It just came out because I saw you skating the routine. [It's easy to fill in the blanks from there. Yuuri perches gingerly on the edge of the bench beside him.]

Did...did the crying help? [Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on his legs as he keeps his eyes trained on the river.][More quietly, he adds ] I am sorry, Minami. I didn't mean to upset you.

[boogiedown]

I don't know.

[He at least feels less - something. Angry? Frustrated? Whatever boiled up, it's been released now.

There's a duck on the river, herding around a group of fluffy ducklings. Minami locks his eyes on them. Determined to watch them. To not notice Yuuri's hair fluttering, the curve of his ear - Damn it. No. Ducks.]

Thanks.

Though I guess it's dumb, saying I wasn't going to tell and then skating it.

[yokunaru]

[Well, "I don't know" is still better than a hard "no". Following Minami's lead on this, Yuuri watches the family of ducks as they swim past. He pauses to ruffle through his pockets and bag to see if he has anything he can feed them, but comes up empty-handed.]

Skating is... it's how we express ourselves when we can't say the words. [There's a soft, amused huff from him.] Ah, sometimes those skating moments get seen even when we don't want them to be. It's happened to me before, too, Minami. I don't think it's dumb at all.

[boogiedown]

[Minami's actually got a couple of granola bars in a jacket pocket. He begins crumbling one to pieces, holds some out for Yuuri.

He tilts his head, when Yuuri says he's had that same experience. It makes him feel better. Marginally.]

Really? When - Oh. You mean "Stay With Me"?

[yokunaru]

[His lips quirk up in a smile as he takes the granola pieces with a soft "thanks".] Yeah. Would you believe I only meant to skate it for one person? Yuuko-san. She's one of my best friends. Ah, you must've met her at the Grand Prix Final viewing party, right?

[Yuuri sighs as he drops the food into the water, enticing the duck family to swim closer for a meal.]

Anyway, I...I'd thought of retiring for a time after doing so horribly at the competitions last year. Skating that routine was my way of telling her I'd keep going, and not to worry about me. [Once, he might have found it difficult to open to Minami and tell him all of this, but Yuuri's finding it easier to do so now. It's a show of trust, as much as anything. That no matter what happened from here on, he still considers Minami a friend. Yuuri smiles wryly.] I meant to skate it privately for her, but her triplets recorded it and posted it online instead.