mixingbowl | We will go where our dreams come true

We will go where our dreams come true

[Time passes by so quickly, Yuuri muses as he steps off the train and joins the crowd making its way toward the station's nearest exit. It's true that he'd seen Minami at Nationals just the week before, but between the practices and the interviews, a competition is hardly the place for doing much catching up.

A few other familiar faces had been amongst the competitors, too--ones that Yuuri recognized from the regional championships. Minami and his friends had made a point to seek him out when they could at the time, and it had been...nice to be included in a group again, especially when Viktor wasn't there to ground him.

I'm here. His cell phone goes right back into his pocket as soon as sends the text to Minami.

The simple hotel he'd booked for a couple nights is only a short distance away from Minami's home rink, which makes it easy for him to drop off his sparse luggage and head right over. The building's lobby is strangely empty when Yuuri arrives, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. No one seems to be stopping him from going right in, though, so that's exactly what Yuuri does. The rink is easy enough to find from there.]

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YES!

[In a way, this argument is even worse. They're friends now, and Minami doesn't want to lose that. He understands a little more, how Yuuri's brain works. How the anxiety gnaws at him.

It does not make any of this hurt less.]

And I know you have someone and I could never compete with him and I don't want to!

[Viktor is so obviously what Yuuri needs, in a way Minami just wouldn't be able to. Never mind that he's gorgeous. They're so good together. Everyone agrees on that. Even Minami. Especially Minami.

He swipes at his face, trying to keep tears from spilling over. It's a losing battle.]

But I can't just - NOT feel this! I tried!!

[For a second, he sympathizes with Viktor; is this how he'd felt when Yuuri had burst into tears in front of him? ]

Minami... [He takes a step forward, one hand raised like he's about to reach for him. But he changes his mind, withdrawing and clenching his hand above his chest instead.] I'm sorry.

[What else can he say to make this better? Yuuri's honestly at a loss. All he can do is apologize for hurting Minami when they've just become friends.]

Shit.

I don't -

[Minami doesn't understand what Yuuri has to be sorry for. The rage has dissolved into full-on crying. His sleeves are going to get soaked, but he can't even think far enough to grab tissues.]

I don't - I didn't - want to mess this up...

You're not. [Yuuri watches him with concern, trying to find the right words that will ease Minami's pain. He chews his bottom lip for a moment before remembering that while Minami's using his sleeves to soak up his tears, Yuuri does actually have tissues in his pack.

He quickly fetches them from his duffel bag and gently presses a few into Minami's hands. His words might be failing him right now, but he stays close to Minami, letting the younger skater know wordlessly that he isn't going anywhere.]

[When Yuuri moves away, Minami doesn't blame him. Probably freaked out by all the stupid emotions spilling everywhere this is such a disaster -

Then he registers the tissues. Yuuri's hands, warm and solid.

Minami presses them to his face. Then sort of - tilts forward. Resting his head against Yuuri's chest. He doesn't try to turn it into a hug or anything, he just needs touch. Just something to ground him.]

[Some of the tension in his shoulders still lingers, but slowly it lessens as he lifts one hand to rest it on Minami's back. He doesn't try to make this into a hug either, simply letting Minami draw comfort from the touch if he needs it.

The plastic packet of tissues crinkles quietly in his free hand, ready to be used if Minami needs more.]

[Slowly, Minami gets his breath back under control. It doesn't feel like anything else is, but he can do that much. The sobs quiet and finally subside.

He pulls back, eyes and face red, and realizes he's gotten Yuuri's shirt wet. Minami grabs another tissue and tries to mop it up.]

Sorry...

It's fine, Minami. [Yuuri dabs at the wet spot with a tissue, as well, though his eyes flicker over to Minami a few times with concern.]

Let's... [It comes out soft, hesitant. Yuuri clears his throat and tries again.] Let's take a break from skating for a few hours. Is there any place nearby where you like to go?

[Just yesterday, an invitation from Yuuri to go anywhere would have sent Minami's heart racing. Now it's too wrung out to pick up more then a few beats.

He plops down on a bench. Numbly wrestling the skates off. He still kind of want to run but that's not a good way to repay Yuuri's patience.]

Um. There's a park, by the river...

Sounds nice. [And he means it! If it's as quiet and serene as he imagines it to be, it could jut be the place they need right now. While Yuuri himself understands how easy it is to lose yourself in the feelings on the ice, he isn't sure if he wants Minami getting back on there when he's upset.

Yuuri waits until Minami's finished putting away his skates before he approaches again. Watching Minami carefully for further signs of discomfort, Yuuri slowly places his hand on Minami's shoulder again. He isn't used to being so tactile with other people, but for this, he's willing to make an exception.] Ready?

[Minami leans into the touch without thinking. Using it as a psychological brace to stand. One step forward. Then another. Yuuri knows now, so the worst part is at least over. Maybe.]

Yeah.

[There's flowers out, this time of year, a few people walking dogs. It's still early. They mostly have the park to themselves.]

[Yuuri spies a bench by the water and angles their path in that direction, though they continue to walk at a leisurely pace. It's peaceful here, and no one calls out to them, which makes it easier to maintain that fragile sort of silence that's fallen between them.

Finally, it's Yuuri who breaks it, voice soft.]

How are you feeling? [Then, he winces, shaking his head.] I'm... not that great with people. You might have noticed that already. [Though it's getting easier to admit this now, it still sounds like he'd had to drag it out of himself.]

[Minami manages a faint smile at that. Only a fraction of the usual wattage, but at least it flickers on.]

Right. So I never meant to tell you - I just -

[He lets out a growl of aggravation and flops down on the bench.]

Tired. I feel tired.

It just came out because I saw you skating the routine. [It's easy to fill in the blanks from there. Yuuri perches gingerly on the edge of the bench beside him.]

Did...did the crying help? [Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on his legs as he keeps his eyes trained on the river.][More quietly, he adds ] I am sorry, Minami. I didn't mean to upset you.

I don't know.

[He at least feels less - something. Angry? Frustrated? Whatever boiled up, it's been released now.

There's a duck on the river, herding around a group of fluffy ducklings. Minami locks his eyes on them. Determined to watch them. To not notice Yuuri's hair fluttering, the curve of his ear - Damn it. No. Ducks.]

Thanks.

Though I guess it's dumb, saying I wasn't going to tell and then skating it.

[Well, "I don't know" is still better than a hard "no". Following Minami's lead on this, Yuuri watches the family of ducks as they swim past. He pauses to ruffle through his pockets and bag to see if he has anything he can feed them, but comes up empty-handed.]

Skating is... it's how we express ourselves when we can't say the words. [There's a soft, amused huff from him.] Ah, sometimes those skating moments get seen even when we don't want them to be. It's happened to me before, too, Minami. I don't think it's dumb at all.

[Minami's actually got a couple of granola bars in a jacket pocket. He begins crumbling one to pieces, holds some out for Yuuri.

He tilts his head, when Yuuri says he's had that same experience. It makes him feel better. Marginally.]

Really? When - Oh. You mean "Stay With Me"?

[His lips quirk up in a smile as he takes the granola pieces with a soft "thanks".] Yeah. Would you believe I only meant to skate it for one person? Yuuko-san. She's one of my best friends. Ah, you must've met her at the Grand Prix Final viewing party, right?

[Yuuri sighs as he drops the food into the water, enticing the duck family to swim closer for a meal.]

Anyway, I...I'd thought of retiring for a time after doing so horribly at the competitions last year. Skating that routine was my way of telling her I'd keep going, and not to worry about me. [Once, he might have found it difficult to open to Minami and tell him all of this, but Yuuri's finding it easier to do so now. It's a show of trust, as much as anything. That no matter what happened from here on, he still considers Minami a friend. Yuuri smiles wryly.] I meant to skate it privately for her, but her triplets recorded it and posted it online instead.

Oh no, is that what happened?!?

[At least only one person saw Minami embarrass himself. That video got millions of views. Minami can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. Your heart ripped open and going viral.]

Um. I watched it. A bunch of times. I'm sorry, I didn't know it was -

[His head sags between his knees. Great. Another thing he's messed up.]

Hey. [There's a soft smile on his face as he reaches out and rests his hand on Minami's shoulder.] It's okay, Minami. You didn't know.

Besides... [Yuuri's voice goes soft with contemplation.] It was sort of embarrassing at the time, but in a way, it's what got me here today. Even if I did keep skating as I was, how far would I have gone without Viktor and Yurio pushing me?

And I never would have tried to connect with you or anyone else like this either. [It's hard to admit, but Viktor had been right. He'd kept himself too far from everyone else, choosing to stay off to the sidelines alone rather than joining in and supporting each other in turn.]

[At least this time Minami doesn't flinch. Or jump. The warmth is still there, but it's... more manageable?

With a deep breath, then he pushes himself back up to sitting.]

Then I'm glad it happened! I'm glad you did it!

[It worked out. Yuuri's still here, still ahead of him, and it would have been awful if he'd just stepped down last year. Minami would never have gotten the chance to know him. To compete with him at both of their bests.]

I hope - I hope someday I'm glad I did this too!

[Minami punctuates that with an enthusiastic pelting of granola. The ducks paddle closer, and a few of the ducklings hops out of the water.

I hope so, too. [Something in him relaxes when Minami's enthusiasm begins to return. Distant as he might have been when they first met this season, Minami's slowly become a regular fixture in his life. It's startling to realize that it would hurt if he lost this new friendship so soon after it just began to get traction.

Yuuri smiles and lets go of Minami's shoulder, only so he can hold his hand out.]

Friends? [If he's learned anything in this past year, it's that he has to be willing to meet people in the middle, too.]

Yeah!!

[Minami returns the shake. He still wants to wind their fingers together. But he also wants to be friends a lot more. Maybe that's how this is finally going to settle.

He hopes so, anyway.]

Just - sorry, if I keep blushing?!

[Which he's doing now, ugh.]

[Yuuri blinks, startled, then throws his head back and laughs in a way that Minami's probably never really seen before, with the way Yuuri's so reserved most of the time.

He's still chuckling when he lets go.]

You don't have to apologize. I--as much it surprises me [Yuuri shakes his head before Minami can even interject. He knows, he's trying to understand a little more now] I know it'd be a lot to ask for you to just shake it off immediately. Even if you just want to be friends, feelings can be hard to push aside.

[A pause.] That's... I can say that because I've been there, too.

[Minami grins at that laugh. Regardless of attraction, he's proud just to get one out of Yuuri!]

Oh no - Oh God, Viktor actually lived at Yutopia, didn't he?! How did you not explode?!

[Please share this wisdom. Sitting on a bench together is hard enough - Minami really can't imagine what he would do if Yuuri was staying in his house for months. Probably it would involve aforementioned exploding.]

We will go where our dreams come true

Legitimately tearing up poor kid

:(

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